Will I ever figure it out?

I am sitting here at 12:08am wondering if I will ever figure out how not to give all of me away to those who don't deserve it. I have cloudy judgment, and I am a hopeless romantic...this gets me in trouble; and leaves me feeling like this.

What is this?

It is low, unfulfilled, underappreciated, and unworthy of the one thing that I want more than anything in the world.

And you see, there is the problem! I want it so bad that I am willing to give my undivided attention to things that do not deserve my care, my keeping, my love.

I have to stop this vicious cycle, and I have to stop it now! I just don't know how. This is how I have lived my life, for this long. So what do I do?

What would Carrie do?

That is the name of this blog...and in all of her deliciousness; I do think that even Ms. Bradshaw wouldn't have the answer here.

I guess that’s where you come in, oh readers of this blog...how would you stop the vicious cycle of loving to hard to quick? How would you find balance in wanting to give yourself to another to be received with favor; and holding back just enough not to get swallowed up? How do I not get wrapped up in the wrong one?

And how will I recognize him when he comes...recognize the one that I can give my heart to?

Taking it from Ms. Hell-to-the-naw herself, "How will I know if he really loves me?"

Not like I can't figure out when "he isn't that into me" but what do you do 7 months down the line and he loses interest? What readers...what do I do then?

Hey world

So...I haven't written in a long time. There really is no reason for this I guess I have just been in a good place lately...and I usually save this blog to get my emotions out when I am not doing so well.

I guess that means I am in a bad spot right now. I am upset because I have to repeat a class that I would rather not be in. Public Opinion and Propaganda, is possibly the worse class ever invented. It wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't taught by the worse instructor on the planet. So because of this, I will not be graduating, sigh...yeah that is right. I have to take summer school, and I will be finished with my degree in July, however I will not be able to walk across the stage until May 2007. This breaks my heart more than a little bit.

I feel like I am a failure. Even though everyone keeps reassuring me that I'm not. People tell me that because I have fought this long, and come this far it means that I am a survivor of the system, not a failure of it. I can't help but to think differently.

I hope that things begin to look up for me in this regard. I really pray that I make it through this semester with no mess ups, no excuses, no procrastination. I guess I will see what happens.