What would Carrie Do?

I began this blog four years ago to tell my story as an intern in New York City. It quickly turned in to more than that. I wrote that entire summer about my feeligs and my life then I abandoned it. My friends urged me to start writing again. Therefore I decided to pick my laptop back up and begin to spill my emotions. I hope you enjoy and I hope my words help you work somethings out.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I Speak Your Name

This morning I woke up and realized that today was the day of change, the day of love, the day of new. I woke up and saw the sun and knew that it was time to embrace my life for the way it is and for the way it will soon become. Thankfully my cousin has Oprah's Legends Ball eternally saved on her TiVo box. I woke up and thought, "Hmmm, maybe I will watch that."

And boy am I glad that I did. Although I have watched it four, five or six times this time was different then all of the rest. It eternally changed me!

I looked at all of the woman that were honored and felt filled with joy for the "youngins" that got to be in the room with the "legends." There was a part during the luncheon when Dr. Maya Angelou said something that struck a cord in my heart. She told the "youngins" that in 20 years there would be a group of women that would want to honor them. At that moment the tears began to fall as I thought of the women that were in the room. From Phylicia Rashaud to Alicia Keys and then something happened. The camera panned the room and focused on Michelle Obama. I have watched this special several times and never once did I notice my First Lady standing in that room. The fact that in the short time from when the special first aired till now, she has gone from being the wife of the junior senator from Illinois' wife to the First Lady of the United States of America was overwhelming for me to comprehend. I saw her and realized that she is a legend.

The First Lady of the United States of America, and she is a Black woman, WOW! Just as Corretta Scott King or Rosa Parks before her she is now the icon for all Black woman and I couldn't have asked for a better role model. She is beautiful, understanding, appreciative and she knows who she is. That is what I want to be. That is who I will become!

Dr. Maya Angelou continued with her wonderful words, she said, "The most important expression you can give a person is 'Thank You,' because 'Thank You' is what you say to God." I never thought of those words in that way. How they are so simple, but they mean so much. I want to say those words more, dig deep in my heart and learn the true meaning of 'Thank You' and give this expression to my friends and family.

I am so happy that I woke up this morning with a new outlook on life and watched Oprah's Legend's Ball Special. It not only renewed my spirit as a woman, but it gave me a new sense of myself. I stand in this day as a black woman with responsibility. I learned today that appreciation is something that I should make a priority. I think I have been walking around so selfish. I never looked at the women that came before me and sacrificed so that I can be me. I learned a lesson this morning.

I have been struggling with my station in life. Where I am, where I want to go, where to live, how to sustain myself. But this morning, I think I have the answer. I need to be content with who I am knowing that I am on a long journey to self discovery and on the eve of my 30th birthday it may just be okay that I don't have it all figured out. But what I do need to do, is be appreciative for what a do have and stop complaining about the things I don't.

My entire life I have struggled to do everything on my own, my own way. I admit now that I need help. Today is the day I stop complaining and start doing. I am sure the woman that attended the luncheon at Oprah's home came upon a time in their life when they needed help and they knew when to ask for it. I am sure that they didn't complain or make excuses when help was not given, I am sure that they probably knew how to give thanks where thanks was due. That is the woman that I want to be. It took 30 years for me to realize this. But I am happy that I did.

Please see some of the words to the Pearl Cleage poem, "We Speak Your Name" below:

Because we are free women,
born of free women,
who are born of free women,
back as far as time begins,
we celebrate your freedom.

Because we are wise women,
born of wise women,
who are born of wise women,
we celebrate your wisdom.

Because we are strong women,
born of strong women,
who are born of strong women,
we celebrate your strength.

Because we are magical women,
born of magical women,
who are born of magical women,
we celebrate your magic.

My sisters,
we are gathered here to speak your names.
We are here because we are your daughters
as surely as if you had conceived us,
nurtured us,
carried us in your wombs,
and then sent us out into the world to make our mark
and see what we see,
and be what we be,
but better,
truer,
deeper
because of the shining example of your own incandescent lives.

We are here to speak your names
because we have enough sense to know
that we did not spring full blown from the forehead of Zeus,
or arrive on the scene like Topsy,
our sister onceremoved, who somehow just growed.

We know that we are walking in footprints made deep
by the confident strides of women
who parted the air before them
like the forces of nature that you are.

We are here to speak your names
because you taught us that the search is always for the truth
and that when people show us who they are,
we should believe them.

We are here because you taught us
that sister speak can continue to be our native tongue,
no matter how many languages we learn as we
move about as citizens of the world
and of the ever-evolving universe.

We are here to speak your names
because of the way you made for us.
Because of the prayers you prayed for us.
We are the ones you conjured up,
hoping we would have strength enough,
and discipline enough,
and talent enough,
and nerve enough
to step into the light when it turned in our direction,
and just smile awhile.

We are the ones you hoped would make you proud
because all of our hard work
makes all of yours part of something better,
truer,
deeper.
Something that lights the way ahead
like a lamp unto our feet,
as steady as the unforgettable beat of our collectiveheart.

We speak your names.
We speak your names.

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