Just a quick ramble

When the stars are aligned in your favor,
am I the first person you think to call?

When grey clouds consume your day, and darken your prospects
am I the first person you decide to tell?

Are my arms the first ones you run to?
My shoulder the first you want to lean?
My lips the first you need to kiss?

Am I the first?

The first thought in your mornings break
last mention in your minds dwellings, right before dreams creep into the night.

Am I,

Some say, you can't be first to anyone else until your first to yourself.
Well, that is done.

I have taken myself to the edge of reason an come back to the present a bright, beautiful, positive woman.

I have looked deep into depths of heart and claimed a love for myself stronger than Sampson's arm.
And after all of this growth
do I still have to ask if,

I am

The Protagonist in your dreams,
the ones you can't seem to get enough?

Cause that is who I need to be.

And I am terrified that you could be that first for me.

I wish I knew how to hold back
but my gaurd is down now, and I can't get it back

my swagger is gone
my mysterious eyes now stare into reality,

And you know the real me.
That is scary

Damn that is scary, I never wanted it to get this deep.
Never new what you would become to me
I continue to push you away...
I am sorry for not knowing any other way.

Please tell me I am over reacting,
Over analyzing.

I know that you do care about me
your expressions just aren't how I want them to be
how I need them to be.

Damn it, talk to me.

Why won't you just talk to me.

Tell me everything I want to hear, and some things that may make me cry.
But it isn't in your way to make me hurt.
I do appreciate that.

But i can't help to sit in my insecurities, and wonder.

If i am the first.