where do I go from here

I just need to write. I am not sure why, but my heart feels like it is about to bust out of my chest. I am soooo...overwhelmed with emotion. It may be because I feel inadaquite when it comes to my summer job. I am still making mistakes that should not be made, and taking so long to do things that should take five minutes. I figure it is because I am over qualified to be doing this bullsh*t and I don't take pride in it so I make stupid mistakes. I think that I was born to have an assistant, not to be one. But everyone has to start somewhere.

This morning a women called, she was speaking very fast, and asking questions I had no answers to. I tried to get my boss on the cell phone but there was no answer. After the women hung up I attempted to call my boss again. She answered this time. I gave her the information that the woman gave me. I thought that I had done a good job, and was feeling pretty good about myself. Then about ten minutes ago, my boss walked in and chewed me out about not getting enough details telling me, "If I would have done that to my boss she would have fired me." I apologized, she walked away. Now, I am sitting here trying not to cry.

I have no Idea why something like this makes me want to cry, but it does. I think that I am stressed about so many things that I just can't get it together. I am 25 years old, and struggling to find myself. I am the oldest intern in America, and beginning to doubt that I will ever find a real Job. I know that I am qualified to have an entry level Jr. Publicist job, but how do I get my foot in the door. I want to shop myself, but I have to finish school first, and that is the biggest hurdle I have to get over.

I am in a rut...I have been for the past 5 years. Or maybe I am beginning to feel the pressure because my father is retiring and I actually have to take care of myself soon. That is so scary, but exciting. All I want to do is find a job that I love, Something that I feel fulfilled doing. I want to be happy, just like everyone else in this world, but how do you feel good about yourself when everyone looks at you as if you were a failure.

There is also a little issue when it comes to love in my life. but that is a whole other entry.