Don't forget to remember me.

I am sitting here crying my eyes out and trying not to be emotional, but its too late. I guess I am going through a tough case of "mid-life crisis." I downloaded some new music onto my iTunes one of them is a song by Carrie Underwood called, "Don't Forget to Remember Me."

The lyrics have me all choked up. Its a song about a girl leaving home at 18. I think this song makes me emotional because it brings me back to the day when my mother left me in Atlanta, GA. I remember being in the parking lot of Beckwith Hall (my dorm) on the campus of Clark Atlanta University. We stood there on the hot summer day and I gave her a big hug and told her that I loved her. Then she got in the rental car and drove away. It was a short sweet goodbye, but that's exactly what it was...Goodbye.

My mother was leaving me on my own in a world that was foreign to both of us. I wont admit it to her but they were both right (my parents). I was not ready to go, I was not disciplined enough, and I definitely lost my way. I am happy that I went to college, for the friends and the memories. But, and its a huge BUT...I am sad that I have not lived up to the expectations that my parents had for me. I am a great disappointment to my family and I have reached a point of redemption.

All I want now from my life is to do better, show appreciation, ask for help, work on being patient. I don't think that I will ever be able to pay my parents back for the sacrifices that they have made. I do hope that I will be able to turn into the child they hoped for me to be. I want to be the daughter that my mother left in Atlanta, GA on that August day in 1999. I need to get back to innocence. Go back to my roots.

Please see the lyrics to Carrie's song below:
18 years had come and gone
For momma they flew by
But for me they drug on and on
We were loading up that Chevy
Both tryin' not to cry
Momma kept on talking
Putting off good-bye
Then she took my hand and said

"Baby don't forget:
Before you hit the highway
You better stop for gas
And there's a 50 in the ashtray
In case you run short on cash
Here's a map and here's a Bible
If you ever lose your way
Just one more thing before you leave
Don't forget to remember me"

This downtown apartment
sure makes me miss home
and those bills there on the counter
Keep telling me I'm on my own
And just like every Sunday I called momma up last night
And even when it's not, I tell her everything's all right
Before we hung up I said
"Hey momma, don't forget:
to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell me-maw that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me"

Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while So I don't know what to say
but Lord, I feel so small sometimes in this big ol' place
Yeah, I know there's more important things,
but Don't forget to remember me
Don't forget to remember me