I wish I knew what to do

This weekend, Friday night/Saturday morning to be exact a close friend of mine decided to confess his undying love for me. I mean, I never thought that this would be a problem, but it turns out that this truth is a HUGE problem.

I always knew that he had a bit of a crush on. Okay, I'll be honest; I thought that he just wanted to ____ me. But after our conversation I know its so much more than that. He told me that he "sees" me. He said that I am everything he has ever wanted in a woman. He SAID that he wants to marry me. Every word he said spilled off of his lips and into my reality; I wish he would have kept it to himself. I now feel like a huge weight has been placed on my shoulders. I don't know what to do with the information.

"I am in Love with you." Those are words that I have always wanted to hear, I have prayed about and wished for them. I guess the saying is true. "Be careful what you wish for." I now wish I knew what to do with them. He is the sweetest guy and he only wants whats best for me. When we talked that night, he said that he would take care of me and that is what he dreams about. He told me that he will never get married unless he marries me.

This whole situation is crazy and I have no idea how to react. in 2001 I fell in love with my college sweetheart. He was everything that I thought I wanted in a man. There was only one problem, he didnt love me. We dated for two years and he never could say that he loved me. He would tell me that I was a great person and that I was beautiful; in those two years I never understood how he could say those things but never feel love for me. He told me I deserved someone that would love me the way I needed to be loved. It was the worst possible situation because I felt that the only person that could love me like that was him. I didn't understand how he could think that I was so great but not be able to love me. I also never thought of how I was making him feel. However, after Friday's conversation everything has changed.

I know exactly how my ex-boyfriend feels. I know that he is one of the most selfish people I have ever met. He sat there in my love and soaked it up for two years. If he was any kind of man, he would have walked away, given my heart a clean break in the beginning. I think that is exactly what I have to do in this situation. I have to walk away...

Just venting

Update! I am no longer on Yaz!!!! YAAAAAY! I feel 100% better. I transitioned onto the Nuvaring and it is so much better. I would go into detail but I think that may be TMI. Okay, so now that that's done...

I have found a new addiction to twitter. I think that its very interesting how in breaks down the 4th wall. I find that I am on it more often than not. I have taken a step back from facebook because it is way too crowded these days. I am getting at least 3 friend requests everyday. That is way too many. Especially because Facebook is a very personal platform. I need to reset my security settings because there are way too many randoms digging me up. I mean there are some people that I am happy to get in contact with again, like my old friend/sister Kelly.

Kelly was a girl that my mom babysat for about 4 years and we were inseparable. We went everywhere together, she was definitely my best friend. Then we lost contact. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 18 years. Facebook made it possible for us to reconnect and I do appreciate that. But then there are the people that you would rather leave in the past. Like Darren.

Darren was the boy that LOVED me in high school. He was the guy that everyone avoided because he was very annoying and he always went a little bit too far. I guess some things never change. I am feeling lightweight stalked. I accepted when he originally sent me a friend requested me. But then he kept poking me and sending messages, commenting on my pics. I decided to delete him. But now, I get a friend request from him at least once a week. VERY ANNOYING!!!

This brings me back to my original point. Twitter is much better. Sure people can follow you and they know what you are doing but at least you don't have to interact with them if you don't want to. Its easier to ignore the bug-a-boo's.

Done with my rambling thanks for reading.